AVOID THINKING BLACK AND WHITE, TRY TO THINK IN SHADES OF GREY..

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When I am in a gathering of people I am very conscious of my actions.
In a social gathering if some acquaintances are standing and chatting in a group, I am uncomfortable to approach them and involve myself in their discussion. I am not confident enough to do so because this means i have to interrupt in their discussion and catch everyone’s attention. Because I feel I am inappropriate, I don’t want people to focus on me. I don’t know how to carry discussions forward. I just ask a few general things like ‘hi. how r u. how is life going’ after that I don’t know what else to talk.
In a dinner party I don’t even eat well as I feel if someone is observing the way I eat, he/she will discuss with his friends about it and make fun of me or discuss how weird I am.
People with whom I talk very often think I’m stupid. In fact, sometimes when I say something I later realize that how stupid I sounded and the other person will think what a fool I am!

If I’ve to listen these words from someone or I’ll see a person behaving more or less like that I’d probably call him a victim of inferiority complex. Low self-esteem, hesitation, avoid talking and gatherings, isolation are the major signs of inferiority complex and if these are not treated and counselled earlier, your boy or girl may lead to depression.

We can elaborate it by the example like for suppose if your car ran out of fuel wont there be a certain light that will flash to give you a signal that the fuel ran up?

Yes usually the car sends such signals when it needs fuel and the same goes for your mind and body. Sometimes your mind sends you an emotion as a warning signal that has the purpose of notifying you that something is going wrong. Same like that the mentioned emotions can be nothing more than a signal your mind is using to draw your attention to something. An inferiority complex is a state whereby you persistently believe and feel that you are not able to measure up to others. It is a sign of low self-esteem. The thought behind an inferiority complex is “I am not good enough”.

Most of us are not always so confident about ourselves. In fact, I will consider having a level of uncertainty as “normal”. We can then be motivated to make a change or improve on the grounds that we are weaker in. When people forget the purpose of life and they consider them as perfect, many of them terminate their lives without hopes and goals. When the human being realizes the purpose of life or set their inspiration by looking at other better ones, an ordinary person can become a means of spreading guidance and encouragement to hundreds of thousands of people. Islam teaches us that we should focus our goal on succeeding in our life to come after this life. If we emphasize on the transitory nature of this worldly life-then most of our problems of this life lose it’s importance in our lives and subsequently lose their power of a having negative impact on us.

A CASE OF PERCEPTION AND ROOT SIGNS:

Everyone experiences symptoms of depression, but when the symptoms remain for two weeks or more it is called clinical depression. “When we’re clinically depressed, there’s a very strong urge to pull away from others and to shut down,” says Stephen Ilardi, PhD, author of books including The Depression Cure and associate professor of psychology at the University of Kansas. You dislike being in a crowd because you cannot get rid of the sneaking suspicion that you are not as good as others. You hate any forms of comparison, which could be inevitable if you belong to some kind of a group. You prefer to be left on your own. On another place Ilardi says. “Social withdrawal amplifies the brain’s stress response. Social contact helps put the brakes on it.

A hallmark of depression is isolation. Emotional isolation can occur as a result of social isolation, or when a person lacks any close confidant or intimate partner. Even though relationships are necessary for our well-being, they can trigger negative feelings and thoughts, and emotional isolation can act as a defense mechanism to protect a person from emotional distress. When people are emotionally isolated, they keep their feelings completely to themselves, are unable to receive emotional support from others, feel “shut down” or numb, and are reluctant or unwilling to communicate with others, except perhaps for the most superficial matters. Depressed people tend to think in extremes like I’m a loser. No one loves me. I’ll never get a job.

A major component of depression is rumination, which involves dwelling and brooding about themes like loss and failure that cause you to feel worse about yourself. Rumination is a toxic process that leads to negative self-talk such as, “It’s my own fault. Who would ever want me a friend?”

There’s a saying, ‘When you’re in your own mind, you’re in enemy territory,‘” says Mark Goulston, MD, psychiatrist and author of Get Out of Your Own Way. “You leave yourself open to those thoughts and the danger is believing them.

When people are clinically depressed, they will typically spend a lot of time and energy rehearsing negative thoughts, often for long stretches of time” Ilardi says.

Mostly, inferiority complex arises from your perception; rather than what is actually the case. You draw conclusions based on your evaluation of experiences. You cannot seem to get motivated. There is a reason why you are not able to get off the couch. The root belief is that no matter how much you try, you are never going to be good enough. And so you are feeling very unmotivated to get going. While limiting beliefs such as “there is no hope” or “there is nothing that can be done” can be the main cause for depression. Depression happens when a person loses hope in reaching something that he really wants and so if a limiting belief made you believe that there is no hope then certainly you will end up depressed.

CURE OF DEPRESSION AND INFERIORITY COMPLEX IN ISLAM:

Abu Saeed Al-Khudri and Abu Hurairah (RA) narrate that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Whenever a Muslim faces fatigue, illness, worry, grief, hurt and sorrow, even gets pricked by a thorn, Allah in lieu of his sufferings removes his sins.” (Bukhari)

Islam is a complete way of life and offers a real solution to every problem. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said Who ever makes Istighfaar(repentance) in abundance, Allah will make a way out for him from every difficulty, free him from depression and anxiety and Allah will grant him sustenance from avenues he will not imagine. Our anxieties, depression and worries are all created because we first make the decisions and then expect Allah Ta’ala to conform; whereas what we plan and decide is subject to Allah Ta’ala’s confirmation.

Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that when the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was distressed by something, he would say: “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom bi rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living, O Eternal, by Your mercy I seek help).”

One should say “al-hamdu lillah” a few hundred times a day. A phrase in the Arabic language that means “All praise and gratitude for God”. Muslims say this phrase when they are in difficult situations. If we think it is a bad situation, it could have been worse. If we think it is a good situation, it is still a test for us. Everything is from God and we should praise Him often. Thanking Him is one way to praise Him—al-hamdu lillah.

Why should Allah punish you if you have thanked (Him) and have believed in Him.  And Allah is Ever All Appreciative (of good), All Knowing.”  [An-Nisa 147]

Allah is the controller of all situations. If a person is in any difficulty, Allah is the only being that would assist him in coming out of that difficulty. Therefore, turn to Allah and He will take care of all your problems and misfortunes. You should emphasize your strengths and not your weaknesses. Allah Ta’ala has given each one of us some strong characteristics which we should maximize. You are perhaps very good academically in some subjects. Maybe you are a skilled crafts person or you have some other hidden talent. Use that potential of yours to its maximum. it is not how you look like that is important, it is what your heart is like and the contribution which you can make to your society, family or the Ummah which is important.

With abundance of Love and good wishes, written by Dr. MMK

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DESIRE OF BEING GOOD ISN’T BAD!

More than often times when I found myself exhorting to not think bad or underrate my own self over something which doesn’t actually exist or even if it is true, still I shouldn’t feel shame, shouldn’t condemn what has been written in our destiny. I go deep, deeper and deeper into the gloom and my mind gets occupied with the tons of clusters of entangled questions and mysteries revolving in and perforating it.

Some of my friends started calling me a despondent soul and regarding me as a melancholiac. Lol. They were not wrong though, neither exasperating and galling to me. I know it is me who was pathetic. Some of them I thought as my closed ones deserted me, ‘cuz perhaps they cared about me and it hurt them to see me in pain. Others ‘cuz I reminded them of their own vulnerability, and that was more than they could handle. And few ones probably one or two overcame their discomfort and came to sit with me. If they had no words to make me feel better, they used to sat with me in silence for hours holding my hand firmly without throwing even a word. It felt better, much better than saying; ‘you’ll get over it’ or ‘it is not so bad, others have it worse’ or something like these verbose consolations. And I love and respect them for it. 

I remember I used to be called a talkative girl or chatterbox by the same friends and the people around me, whereas, now I’m being called a sober, subdued one. I, sometimes, laugh while ruminating over the past mistakes and future happenings. I can’t really contemplate where should I stand and to where am I going! Since I came into this world I am just going somewhere I don’t even know where, doing things, lying myself, mocking others then feel remorse by looking back into my collar, running in greed, running in comparison, running in order to win everything, everything what i dream of, everything I deserve to get whether not, but I want them in the rest of my life. Because I was told that the only person I am destined to become is the person I’ll decide to be. Since that very first moment, every new day, I decide to be someone, and then refuse it, because it seems like I’m not deserving at all or I am not capable of being so. By seeing every next person, I feel down, don’t particularly know why but I do.

By knowing every next person I feel unworthy of trust, care, love or respect from others. Maybe I have low self-esteem or being a pessimist or perhaps a inferiority complex it is. Don’t really want to know what it is but a hankering to be the best. I want everyone feel pride to be with me. But there are so many hindrances encumber me of being so. A lot of impediments on my way towards self-improvement. I’ve to struggle hard to thrive on.  I know, I know but still I’m scared, if it doesn’t happen the way I think it should be, what will happen then! this question always put me into trouble worse than before. I don’t wanna believe on this adage which states that if anything can go wrong, it will surely go wrong today or someday but I can’t do so, maybe because of going through many lamentable ordeals since I gotta know the real meaning of life.

Post Script: Still I don’t care what has happened and will happen, I believe that having a desire of being good isn’t bad at all

Written by: Dr. MMK

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HBD Anna <3

Don’t worry about the extra line

that’s creepin’ up upon your face,

It’s just a part of natures way

to say you’ve grown a little more,

Trees have rings and thicker branches

Kid’s shoes get a little tighter,

Every year we’re gettin’ closer

to who we’re gonna be,

It’s a time to celebrate the story

of how you’ve come to be,

Happy birthday, my friend

here’s to all the years we’ve shared together

all the fun we had,

You’re such a blessing

such a joy in my life

May the good Lord bless you

And may all your dreams come true…

So light a candle on your cake,

For every smile you’ve helped create,

For every heart and every soul

You’ve helped to grow a little more,

A few more pounds

a little more grey,

Don’t count the years just count the way,

It’ll take a lil more time to go from water,

into wine,

Don’t even lose the wonder of that child within your eyes,,

Happy birthday, my friend,

Here’s to all the things we’ve shared together

all the fun we had.

You’re such a blessing,

such a joy in my life,

May the good Lord bless you,

And may all your dreams come true…

Happy birthday To YOU ❤ 🙂

10570306_1520404401509326_4308159849172218381_nkj https://soundcloud.com/maheya-midhat-khan/happy-birthday-anna

Written by: b870be5ae6aa68bfdd386641783a02cb

 

WE AIN’T CREATED TO BE DISCRIMINATED

indexThe prophet, peace be upon him, said:

All mankind is from Adam and Eve, an Arab has no superiority over a non-Arab nor a non-Arab has any “superiority over an Arab; also a white has no superiority over a black nor a black has any superiority over white except by piety and good action.” (Hafiz Ibn Hibban reported in Al-Sahih)

“I am a TV journalist and working in no.1 news channel of Pakistan. I want to be the most dynamic and popular news anchor. I want to earn a lot of money in my life through my occupation. My wife ‘must be very fair’ and beautiful, who can understand and respect my feelings.” This kind of statements you can hear everywhere. People still prefer their partners to be fair and beautiful over loving and intelligent.

Discrimination based on skin color,  is a form of prejudice or discrimination in which human beings are treated differently based on the social meanings attached to skin color. While Lookism is a term used to refer to the positive stereotypes, prejudice, and preferential treatment given to physically attractive people, or more generally to people whose appearance matches cultural preferences.

Do not judge by appearances, but judge with right judgment.“John 7:24

Narrated by Abu Dharr Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said to him,You are not better than people with red or black skins unless you excel them in piety.”

There is plenty of evidence that physical attractiveness has manifold benefits in everyday life. First, there is cross-cultural agreement about attractiveness. Second, that both attractive children and adults are judged more positively compared to less attractive controls even by people who know them. Third, attractive people are treated more positively, and fourth they exhibit more positive behaviors. There are direct effects, though sometimes moderated by gender, age and familiarity.

Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder they say, and logically there should be different ways of seeing beauty. In Mauritania for example thicker women are considered more beautiful, which goes contrary to the mainstream western convention that the skinnier you are, the more pretty. This sort of discrimination amongst people, making them a victim of inferiority complex which leads them to depression and deprivation.

“But if you show partiality, you are committing sin and are convicted by the law as transgressors.” James 2:9

Much literature exists that explains how discrimination and prejudice negatively affect the power and privilege granted to nonwhite descent, female, lower socioeconomic class, or disabled individuals. Less research exists on how discrimination and prejudice create challenges for individuals who are not physically attractive . Our society values slenderness as an important characteristic of attractiveness. Individuals who do not fit into this definition are granted less power and privilege in society and thus face more challenges in many domains of their daily life.

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7

Lighter-skinned people of color enjoy substantial privileges that are still unattainable to their darker-skinned brothers and sisters. In fact, light-skinned people earn more money, complete more years of schooling, live in better neighborhoods, and marry higher-status people than darker-skinned people of the same race or ethnicity.

Europeans themselves were regarded as high status, as were white skin, Anglo facial features, and the English, French, and Spanish languages, respectively. Schools do not exist in a vacuum and researchers find the same patters of inequalities inside schools that exist outside schools.

Previous research by Stanford psychologist Jennifer Eberhardt found that darker-skinned black defendants were two times more likely than lighter-skinned black defendants to get the death penalty for crimes involving white victims.

“Abu Huraira said: Allah’s Messenger (SAW) said:

Indeed, Allah does not look to your faces and your wealth but He looks to your heart and your deeds. (Sahih Muslim #2564)

As You can read in Bible:

For God shows no partiality.” Romans 2:11

Colorism doesn’t just play out in the workforce or in the criminal justice system but in the romantic realm. Because fair skin is associated with beauty and status, light-skinned black women are more likely to be married than darker-skinned black women, according to some reports. “We find that the light-skin shade as measured by survey interviewers is associated with about a 15 percent greater probability of marriage for young black women.” Light skin is so coveted that whitening creams continue to be best-sellers in the U.S., Asia and other nations. Mexican-American women in Arizona, California and Texas have reportedly suffered mercury poisoning after turning to whitening creams to bleach their skin. In India, popular skin-bleaching lines target both women and men with dark skin. That skin-bleaching cosmetics have persisted for decades signals the enduring legacy of colorism.

Almighty Allah has acknowledged in another verse in the Quran referring to why he created man in different colors:

And amongst his signs is the creation of heaven and the earth, and variation in your language and colors; Verily, in there are signs for those who know” (Al-Quran, Chapter 30, Verse 22)

The above verse also identifies one of Allah (SWT) magnificent performance in separating the human kind in to groups. Allah (swt) has first mentioned the heavens (the sky) which changes in many colors during the day as his first sign. After the sky Allah then informs us of the earth which also varies in color. The earth can be green with grass like in rain forests, yellow in desserts and many other colors depending upon the environment. At the end of the verse, Allah (swt) talks about people and variation in the language and color. The all knowing Allah (swt) then enlightens his reasoning to why he made variation in the surroundings of a person, variation in skin color. The reason is that these are signs of Allah (swt) for the believers, and also those who are intelligent. Allah (swt) has cared and thought about his people so much that if they are to think about doing a sin, they will look around and by his signs they will return and repent to him for their mistakes and wrong practices.

According to the Holy Bible:

Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-29

An old children’s rhyme captures the definition in a nutshell.

“If you’re black, stay back;
if you’re brown, stick around;
if you’re yellow, you’re mellow;
if you’re white, you’re all right.”

Written by:b870be5ae6aa68bfdd386641783a02cb

An Angelic Jailbird

Her Heart’s shredded form

Her mind’s swirling storm

Her bruised image, washed out

or faded into the broken pieces

Her fate in their hands

Her scream echoed the unlit allies

Her twinkled eyes dimmed down

Her radiant persona glimmered in greenish gown

I can’t, can not ever forget

her winsome smile and when she frowned

Still today, whenever it rains

her fainted scent like petrichor

Air brings it to me from her maybe

Made me become less tensed

I’m frightened as if She is in trouble by now

As if they took her with them again

I can see, Her eyes are still smoldered,

and smoke liberating from her body

She is again on the way towards hell

And I will follow her as I’m doing

I’m doing since I saw her,

restrained in rain,

Chained and constrained..

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when a jailbird trying to mediate in rain.. ❤ made by Mmk

 Written by Dr. Maheya Midhat Khan(Mmk)

http://soundcloud.com/maheya-midhat-khan/an-angelic-jailbird