When I am in a gathering of people I am very conscious of my actions.
In a social gathering if some acquaintances are standing and chatting in a group, I am uncomfortable to approach them and involve myself in their discussion. I am not confident enough to do so because this means i have to interrupt in their discussion and catch everyone’s attention. Because I feel I am inappropriate, I don’t want people to focus on me. I don’t know how to carry discussions forward. I just ask a few general things like ‘hi. how r u. how is life going’ after that I don’t know what else to talk.
In a dinner party I don’t even eat well as I feel if someone is observing the way I eat, he/she will discuss with his friends about it and make fun of me or discuss how weird I am.
People with whom I talk very often think I’m stupid. In fact, sometimes when I say something I later realize that how stupid I sounded and the other person will think what a fool I am!
If I’ve to listen these words from someone or I’ll see a person behaving more or less like that I’d probably call him a victim of inferiority complex. Low self-esteem, hesitation, avoid talking and gatherings, isolation are the major signs of inferiority complex and if these are not treated and counselled earlier, your boy or girl may lead to depression.
We can elaborate it by the example like for suppose if your car ran out of fuel wont there be a certain light that will flash to give you a signal that the fuel ran up?
Yes usually the car sends such signals when it needs fuel and the same goes for your mind and body. Sometimes your mind sends you an emotion as a warning signal that has the purpose of notifying you that something is going wrong. Same like that the mentioned emotions can be nothing more than a signal your mind is using to draw your attention to something. An inferiority complex is a state whereby you persistently believe and feel that you are not able to measure up to others. It is a sign of low self-esteem. The thought behind an inferiority complex is “I am not good enough”.
Most of us are not always so confident about ourselves. In fact, I will consider having a level of uncertainty as “normal”. We can then be motivated to make a change or improve on the grounds that we are weaker in. When people forget the purpose of life and they consider them as perfect, many of them terminate their lives without hopes and goals. When the human being realizes the purpose of life or set their inspiration by looking at other better ones, an ordinary person can become a means of spreading guidance and encouragement to hundreds of thousands of people. Islam teaches us that we should focus our goal on succeeding in our life to come after this life. If we emphasize on the transitory nature of this worldly life-then most of our problems of this life lose it’s importance in our lives and subsequently lose their power of a having negative impact on us.
A CASE OF PERCEPTION AND ROOT SIGNS:
Everyone experiences symptoms of depression, but when the symptoms remain for two weeks or more it is called clinical depression. “When we’re clinically depressed, there’s a very strong urge to pull away from others and to shut down,” says Stephen Ilardi, PhD, author of books including The Depression Cure and associate professor of psychology at the University of Kansas. You dislike being in a crowd because you cannot get rid of the sneaking suspicion that you are not as good as others. You hate any forms of comparison, which could be inevitable if you belong to some kind of a group. You prefer to be left on your own. On another place Ilardi says. “Social withdrawal amplifies the brain’s stress response. Social contact helps put the brakes on it.”
A hallmark of depression is isolation. Emotional isolation can occur as a result of social isolation, or when a person lacks any close confidant or intimate partner. Even though relationships are necessary for our well-being, they can trigger negative feelings and thoughts, and emotional isolation can act as a defense mechanism to protect a person from emotional distress. When people are emotionally isolated, they keep their feelings completely to themselves, are unable to receive emotional support from others, feel “shut down” or numb, and are reluctant or unwilling to communicate with others, except perhaps for the most superficial matters. Depressed people tend to think in extremes like I’m a loser. No one loves me. I’ll never get a job.
A major component of depression is rumination, which involves dwelling and brooding about themes like loss and failure that cause you to feel worse about yourself. Rumination is a toxic process that leads to negative self-talk such as, “It’s my own fault. Who would ever want me a friend?”
“There’s a saying, ‘When you’re in your own mind, you’re in enemy territory,‘” says Mark Goulston, MD, psychiatrist and author of Get Out of Your Own Way. “You leave yourself open to those thoughts and the danger is believing them.”
“When people are clinically depressed, they will typically spend a lot of time and energy rehearsing negative thoughts, often for long stretches of time” Ilardi says.
Mostly, inferiority complex arises from your perception; rather than what is actually the case. You draw conclusions based on your evaluation of experiences. You cannot seem to get motivated. There is a reason why you are not able to get off the couch. The root belief is that no matter how much you try, you are never going to be good enough. And so you are feeling very unmotivated to get going. While limiting beliefs such as “there is no hope” or “there is nothing that can be done” can be the main cause for depression. Depression happens when a person loses hope in reaching something that he really wants and so if a limiting belief made you believe that there is no hope then certainly you will end up depressed.
CURE OF DEPRESSION AND INFERIORITY COMPLEX IN ISLAM:
Abu Saeed Al-Khudri and Abu Hurairah (RA) narrate that the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: Whenever a Muslim faces fatigue, illness, worry, grief, hurt and sorrow, even gets pricked by a thorn, Allah in lieu of his sufferings removes his sins.” (Bukhari)
Islam is a complete way of life and offers a real solution to every problem. The Prophet (sallallahu alayhi wasallam) said Who ever makes Istighfaar(repentance) in abundance, Allah will make a way out for him from every difficulty, free him from depression and anxiety and Allah will grant him sustenance from avenues he will not imagine. Our anxieties, depression and worries are all created because we first make the decisions and then expect Allah Ta’ala to conform; whereas what we plan and decide is subject to Allah Ta’ala’s confirmation.
Anas (may Allah be pleased with him) reported that when the Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) was distressed by something, he would say: “Yaa Hayyu yaa Qayyoom bi rahmatika astagheeth (O Ever-Living, O Eternal, by Your mercy I seek help).”
One should say “al-hamdu lillah” a few hundred times a day. A phrase in the Arabic language that means “All praise and gratitude for God”. Muslims say this phrase when they are in difficult situations. If we think it is a bad situation, it could have been worse. If we think it is a good situation, it is still a test for us. Everything is from God and we should praise Him often. Thanking Him is one way to praise Him—al-hamdu lillah.
“Why should Allah punish you if you have thanked (Him) and have believed in Him. And Allah is Ever All Appreciative (of good), All Knowing.” [An-Nisa 147]
Allah is the controller of all situations. If a person is in any difficulty, Allah is the only being that would assist him in coming out of that difficulty. Therefore, turn to Allah and He will take care of all your problems and misfortunes. You should emphasize your strengths and not your weaknesses. Allah Ta’ala has given each one of us some strong characteristics which we should maximize. You are perhaps very good academically in some subjects. Maybe you are a skilled crafts person or you have some other hidden talent. Use that potential of yours to its maximum. it is not how you look like that is important, it is what your heart is like and the contribution which you can make to your society, family or the Ummah which is important.
With abundance of Love and good wishes, written by Dr. MMK